first date

Sunday, November 24th, 2013 (Part 1)

I have my first date this week. My first two dates, actually. Drinks tomorrow night and then on Tuesday, dinner with a second guy. Don’t worry, there aren’t any fun and amazing stories behind meeting these two guys. Not yet, at least. They’re OkCupid dates – the only place where I can seem to find guys who might be interested in me. And even then it’s a slog to find them.

I have a theory about OkCupid guys (and I think it applies to guys in general). Take attractiveness and put it on a scale of one to ten, ten being the most attractive model types and one those sad ogres who shouldn’t be let out in broad daylight. (Thankfully, there aren’t many of those ones, especially not in the gay world. We at least have the wherewithal to pull ourselves up to a two or three…with the right products and styling.) Now you and I fall solidly in the six to eight range, allowing for fluctuations based on good or bad hair days, acne breakouts, the number of gym days in the previous week. In general, we are attracted to other six to eights. Nines and tens are probably too pretty for us. They know they’re incredibly good looking and usually act like douches. And they don’t go after other guys; enough guys flock to them that they have the pick of the litter. So those guys are disqualified. Then there are the five and belows. They’re five and below for a reason. They’re in the bottom fifty percent, and we both can do better than average, or below average. Which leaves us with the six to eights, those desirable guys which I’d estimate make up a good thirty-five percent of the gay population.

The problem, and here’s where my theory comes in, is that these six to eights who we want to talk to, they’re usually pussies when it comes to dating. They don’t reach out to you ever – at a bar, online, not anywhere. And it’s so frustrating. In my first month or so on OkCupid, I’ve had plenty of guys message me, but not a single one that I’ve found attractive. Zero. How depressing is that? All five and belows. Which begins to get insulting because after a bit it makes me start to think that maybe I’m a five and below. Maybe I’m below average on the attractiveness scale and everything I’ve ever been told is a lie.

But then I hear back from someone that I’ve messaged, a six to eight, and my theory is reinforced. I am in their range! But they’re shy so I have to do all the initial work.

Bullshit is what I think of that. I don’t think I’ve ever been on a date or one-night stand or whatever where I wasn’t the initiator. One of these days I’d like to be the lazy one and have everyone come to me. (And by everyone, I mean guys I’d actually want to date. I’ve had my share of unattractive guys come up and talk to me at bars, as I’m sure you have, too. Just as important as initiating, you’ve got to be able to ruthlessly pull that plug.)

So I have my first two post-you dates coming up. Michael and Karl – both guys that I reached out to first on OkCupid. They’re very different from each other and different from you. I don’t know if you knew this, but you were not my usual type. Which I think is a good testament to how much I liked you. I’ve always gone for dark-featured men, usually skinnier than me and shorter. You were my height, blonde, pale and muscular. You were the first blonde I ever dated. (As long as you don’t count my high school girlfriend who I “dated” the summer after my junior year. She had long blonde hair. And we never even kissed. Someone was gay and didn’t know it yet.) Blonde and pale and muscular worked on you, though. It worked on me, at least.

Now that I’m trying to date again, I’m looking to expand my scope. Michael (I know, this’ll make five Michael’s, but I didn’t even know that until after we’d been talking for a while), my Monday date, is my age, tall, skinny, peroxided hair, a waiter. I know it might not seem like a good combination, but it works on him. He’s cute. And I’m not looking for my soul mate right now. I’m letting myself explore. I’m trying not to disqualify guys based on silly things like their jobs, or lack of holding a stable one.

Then I’m having dinner with Karl on Tuesday night. Karl is like 5’10”, the oldest guy I’ve been on a date with at twenty-nine, dark hair with an attractive amount of stubble. Good cheek bones. My type to a tee, minus the twenty-nine bit. I almost never date guys older than me. He works in the theater in casting and seems like an interesting enough guy. Of the two, he seems like the most promising. This weekend my friends told me that it’s a good thing to have Michael first. Good to get a bit of practice in before going out with the more promising guy.