I did something today that I’ve always railed against. I feel like such a hypocrite for doing it. But something had to be done. I need a distraction — or distractions — and this was the best way of getting them.
I signed up for OKCupid.
In general, online dating depresses me. I’m still in my prime. I’m not hideous. I shouldn’t have to resort to a website to find a guy. But sadly, in the twenty-first century (and especially in New York City), online dating has become the norm.
I don’t like it!
Just last night I offended this guy at a party because I was deriding online dating, and now this afternoon, I’m a full-fledged member of the community. How desperate I’ve become.
It’s just OKCupid, though. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. It’s the least skeezy of the online dating platforms. I’m not jumping onto Grindr anytime soon. I’m looking for dates, not sex.
Even though I’m not necessarily ready to get back into a relationship, I need the bright outlook of meeting someone new and maybe, just maybe, finding that I actually like them. And perhaps I’m also hoping that these dates will erode my lingering feelings for you. Meeting new people could make me realize just how many eligible guys there are out there. But then it could also make me realize that most guys are garbage and I’ve really missed my chance by losing you…
I’m banking that the odds will be in my favor and there will be more than just one (i.e. you) worthwhile gay man in the City.
Joining OKCupid will also give me some much-needed dating practice. (Can you tell that I had to make a list of pros and cons to convince myself to sign-up for this?) I haven’t been on a date in years! And I’ve never casually dated. With me it’s always:
1.) Meet a guy I like
2.) Have a serious boyfriend
I wonder what it’s like to date casually. To have two or three guys that you’re seeing at the same time. Lots of dinners and drinks, I imagine. And tons of stress trying to keep them all separate and unknown to each other. But all of my friends who date make it sound so fun. I really do want to give it a try. And what better opportunity than when I’m newly single?
Going on online dates also could help quench another certain craving that we gay men have. I don’t think that I’m going to meet Mr Right on OKCupid, but as someone who doesn’t like to have casual sex with strangers I’ve just met at a bar, I’m totally fine having casual sex with someone I’ve been on like two or three dates with. If I’ve been out with someone a couple of times, then they’ve passed the crazy test — and not the “I’m head over heels crazy about you” test, but the “I trust that you’re not a klepto who’s going to sneak out in the middle of the night after stealing all of my shit” test.
Filling out that profile took me most of the afternoon, though. God! Why do people need to know so much? It’s like applying to college, writing all those personal essays. Only it’s harder because you have to make yourself sound pithy and deep at the same time.
And then I had to find five or six acceptable pictures of myself, ones that say “I’m handsome and fun and approachable and smart and not a serial killer.” I don’t have many pictures that say all that. And I know, just as well as everyone else, that your picture is what’s going to sell you.
And then the survey questions!?!? Why do I need to answer hundreds of inane questions about myself and what I’d do in certain situations? I didn’t even know the answer to most of them and just started making things up. Is that really going to make for an accurate matching score? I’m convinced those compatibility percentages are bullshit anyways. Do people even take those into account when they click on a profile? What’s too little? Too much? Am I looking for 90% and up only? Or is it more of a 65%-85% range for the ideal date?
I guess I’ll find out. For better or for worse, OKCupid, here I come.