On the day of the party, I had volunteered to help Amber set up her apartment beforehand. So I headed down early on the bus. As I rode the bus down I thought about Andy, the guy I’d hooked up with a couple of years ago and who I had run into randomly the weekend before. I wanted to see him again but had waited all week to ask him out.
Anxiously, I typed a message to him, asking him if he wanted to get drinks sometime, and sent it off into the ether, stowing my phone so I wouldn’t have to see his response (or lack thereof).
I’m so bad about this. I always get so anxious when I text boys. And I refuse to look at my phone, turning it on silent so that I won’t know if a message has come or not. It’s gives me a reason to stay hopeful, even though I’m super pessimistic when it comes to guys and them liking me back. Like if the phone has its ringer on, I’ll know that there hasn’t been a response. But with it on silent, I can stay optimistic and check after an hour or so. It’s silly, I know. But it helps somehow. (I’ve always been this way. It’s not something new since you broke up with me, so don’t worry that you’ve broken my self-confidence.)
When I got to Amber’s, I hadn’t gotten a reply from Andy. I figured that I’d give it some time. I was really anxious about it. (Like when was the last time that I’d asked someone out for drinks? You? more than a year and a half ago?) I had plenty to do to keep myself occupied, though.
Amber has this amazing (and expensive) carpet that she wasn’t about to have people spilling on, so that was our first order of business. We rolled it up and stowed it in Scott’s room. Scott was out of town, so we were just going to let his room be a closet of sorts for the evening. We threw the rug in there and then positioned a coat rack in front of his closed door, hoping that would dissuade anyone from going in there.
Amber, the super crafty and design-y girl that she is, had bought a bunch of Halloween decorations and we started hanging those up. She’d also decided to put up a photo backdrop for all of us to take pictures in front of. She had this heavy purple curtain that we covered with fake cobwebs and a plush spider. It ended up looking great, another of Amber’s brilliant decorating ideas. We took turns posing in front of it to make sure that it turned out alright.
After about an hour, the apartment was set up and looked amazing. Amber and I started putting on our costumes. She was an amazing Carmen Miranda and I looked pretty sickening in my Robyn get-up. We took pictures and started drinking and shortly after people began arriving.
It was all of our friends, and some of Amber’s friends who I didn’t know. But that didn’t matter. It was probably the best Halloween party I’ve ever been to.
At some point after the party had started, I checked my phone again. Still no response from Andy. This was hours after I had sent the initial text. I was starting to realize that Andy was a lost cause. I poured myself another drink and tried to put my disappointment behind me.
At about that time David arrived with a friend of his and Amber’s who I hadn’t met. I saw him out of the corner of my eye and got a little jolt of excitement. I was in the middle of a conversation, though, and figured that I’d talk to him later in the night.
As the party continued, it all kind of blurred together — a whirlwind of colors and lights and costumes. It got to be hot as hell in Amber’s apartment, all of those bodies creating this unbearable heat. I camped out in the kitchen where there was an open window and tried my best to stay cool as I drank and drank and drank. The liquor was really starting to go to my head. There was a haziness around everything. The dim lighting, the heat, my drunken self, everyone in costumes…there was an unreality to it all. I kept coming in and out of memory, remembering faces but never conversations.
And then, as if it had happened in the blink of an eye, the party began winding down. People were starting to head out. I still hadn’t heard back from Andy, and I hadn’t spoken to David. He’d disappeared shortly after arriving, and I figured that he must have left for another party without me noticing. But then, he and the friend he’d come with emerged from Scott’s closed off room. Apparently they’d been camped out in there for most of the night talking about God knows what.
At this point in the night, though, I was ready to go home. Everyone was going out to a bar, but I knew that I was too drunk and tired to do that. I needed about a gallon of water and my bed. Tonight was not the night to talk to David. I had missed another opportunity.
As I headed home in a cab, I checked my phone one last time — no response — and felt disappointed. It had been an amazingly fun night, just not what I had expected on the boy front. It’s funny how you can be so excited about something and then feel so disappointed so quickly after.
That’s Halloween 2013, though. It was a great party, great costume, spent with great friends…and yet it still had it’s disappointing moments. Why do boys (or the lack of them) have so much pull over my life?