Friday, September 20th, 2013

Yesterday was “Talk Like a Pirate Day,” and apparently Krispy Kreme was doing a promotion where if you came into their stores and talked like a pirate, then you got a free glazed doughnut. Then, to kick it up a notch, if you talked like one and dressed up like one, you got a dozen free glazed doughnuts.

It turns out that the only Krispy Kreme in Manhattan is near Penn Station, so Jill, our terrible assistant at work, coming in on the PATH train as she does each day, decided to wear a bandanna and eye patch and brought a dozen doughnuts with her to the office. She shared them with us and they were good. I felt guilty having two of them throughout the day. (She had FOUR!)

But anyways, the real point of the story is what happened the next day…

We all came in and there was one doughnut left. Exactly one, day-old doughnut. Jill started by trying to pawn it off on someone, saying that it didn’t look bad; it probably wouldn’t be stale. But all I could think about was that terrible movie that we watched together — The Five-Year Engagement, with Emily Blunt and Jason Segal — and how Emily Blunt broke things off with Jason Segal because he ate the day-old doughnut.

It was some psych experiment she was working on, so it made a little more sense in the movie than you might think at first. I mean, what’s that say about a person, that they’re willing to eat a stale doughnut?

Never one to waste, especially not when it’s free, I imagine by day’s end that Jill will have eaten the leftover doughnut.

Does it make it worse if she waits longer?

I think so. It’s getting staler by the minute.

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