Monday, September 2nd, 2013

I got back home from New Jersey late last night. The whole trip was a blast even though it ended up being overcast and a little rainy yesterday, so we couldn’t sit by the pool for our last day at Lauren’s house. It’s okay. Instead we decided to watch a movie while we drank and knitted. A pretty good combo for a lazy afternoon. We all got settled upstairs in this super cozy lounge/study area. The leather couch was nice and cool underneath me and the wood finishing around the room made me hope that one day I’d have a similar room in my house. It felt very hunter’s lodge, just another amazing quirk of Lauren’s awesome house. It took us a while to decide on a movie. But eventually we picked Drinking Buddies.

Now I’m going to guess that you haven’t seen this movie. Though maybe you have. You’ve been a fan of Anna Kendrick ever since Pitch Perfect. Though I’ve of known of her since long before that from her amazing role in Camp. (You don’t know it, one of the few times I’m gayer than you!) So going on the belief that you haven’t seen it, I’ll give you a quick run-through of the plot. Sorry for any spoilers.

Basically, the movie has four main characters. Two couples. There’s Olivia Wilde’s character who is dating this really douchey guy played by someone who I’ve never seen before. Then there’s Nick from New Girl (I honestly never can remember his real name, though his character in this movie is pretty much the same as Nick Miller, so we’ll just go with that) who is dating Anna Kendrick’s character. It’s obvious from the beginning that neither of the two established couples are particularly happy. But they’re not breaking up either. They’re perfectly content in their relationships.

Nick and Olivia Wilde work together at a brewery and have this amazing chemistry and are great friends. But never anything more. Then the two couples decide to go on a weekend vacation together at this cabin in the woods. They go and things get a little out of hand. Olivia Wilde’s boyfriend ends up kissing Anna Kendrick. But they don’t tell anyone. Shortly after, Olivia Wilde and her boyfriend break up. Then lots of boring, unmemorable things happens. (It’s that new “genre” of film. I think they call it mumblecore. It’s where the films don’t have unnatural endings just for the sake of making everything happy. It tries to capture reality and natural dialogue. Or something like it. It’s way above my head as a non-film aficionado.)

Eventually, Nick finds out about Anna Kendrick cheating on him and Olivia Wilde is all excited that she’s finally going to have a chance with him because she’s been pining over him and their great chemistry for so long. But then, surprise surprise, Nick decides to forgive Anna Kendrick and the two get engaged and Olivia Wilde is all sad and lonely forever.

Yes. Kind of an anti-climatic ending. But one that’s pretty real, if you ask me. Of course, most of the girls I was watching with had a much different opinion. They just couldn’t understand why Nick would ever take back Anna Kendrick. In their minds, if he/she cheats on you, it’s over. Done.

That’s not at all how I see it.

Maybe it’s my messed up experiences, but I wish I could live by such a rule. Drop them once they cheat. But I’ve had a boyfriend cheat on me — my second one, the one I dated my last semester of college and then for a whole year long-distance after I graduated — and as much as I would love to say that I dumped him as soon as I found out, I didn’t. Because it’s different when it happens to you. It’s different with every relationship.

I remember very clearly not wanting to believe that he had cheated on me. I loved my second boyfriend. In fact, he was my first love. And while now I realize that we weren’t good for each other, at the time I couldn’t see breaking up with him. Even with the long-distance I thought he could be the one. And so I swept my suspicions under the rug. I didn’t question or investigate anything when some of our mutual friends left little clues dangling in front of me. I didn’t ask my second boyfriend if anything had happened.

We were living hundreds of miles apart at that point, so it’s not like it was hard for me to ignore the warning signs. With my cheating blinders on I sailed right through it and never even brought it up with him, which I’m sure he was relieved by. We didn’t break up for another six months, at which point I finally asked one of my friends if she knew if he had ever cheated on me. Her reply, of course, was a “Wait, I thought you knew about that.”

Only then did I feel stupid for staying with him. Though I still don’t regret it. At the time, I was serious. I loved him. I was able to overlook the breach of trust. And that’s why I understand Nick and Anna Kendrick staying together in this movie. Shit happens. Things don’t always go as planned. When you’re in a relationship it’s not always black and white. I wish it were. It’d make things much easier.

Am I absolutely crazy for thinking that?

Because my next thought, of course, came back to you. What if you had cheated on me? My friend Meredith had brought up the possibility when I talked to her weeks ago, but I hadn’t really thought about it seriously until after watching this movie. You did end things suddenly, which in my experience is what unhappy boyfriends who have cheated on you do. (I mean, that’s how I eventually broke up with my second boyfriend.) Then I think back to who you would have cheated on me with. The only person that comes to mind was that chef from when you were in the Hamptons. You knew a lot about him when you came back from that weekend away. You seemed pretty impressed with him, too. And then you went back to the Hamptons just a week or two ago. (It’s not stalking if you write a Facebook status about it.) You could have been out there visiting him again…

Or not. This is probably just my paranoid mind going into overdrive. It’s something I’m very good at, finding meaning in coincidence, extrapolating events from the slightest crumb of a “clue.”

But no matter who the man, I still wonder if you cheated on me. And if you did, I wonder what I would have done if I’d found out. I probably would have wanted to stay with you. I would have been Nick Miller taking you back in because I still loved you so much.

Does that make me a pathetic person?

In the end I doubt that you cheated. But what if you did? What would I have done?

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