One of my bad habits — as I’m sure you’ve noticed over the last year and a half — is that I’m really lazy when it comes to doing little chores. Yes, I can be lazy about big chores, too. I’ve never been very good at cleaning. (Unless it’s the kitchen which you know I like to keep spotless. Like obsessively so. I’ve taken knives and forks to a dirty stove top in an attempt to scratch off persistent stains.) And I might delay particularly daunting tasks at work. But I always get them done eventually, even if it takes four or five reminders. When I talk about my bad habit I’m talking in regards to minor chores, made all the worse because these little things aren’t hard to do at all. I’m just super lazy.
Let me give you an example. For whatever reason, my pass card at work didn’t work correctly. I had less access than the summer interns! I couldn’t get into my offices before nine or after five…which is a problem but also a rationalization for coming into work a little late and always leaving on time. All it takes to get this little problem fixed is an email to our building manager, an email that I was too lazy to send…for almost a year! That’s like criminal, I know. My work pass didn’t work for twelve months all because I was too lazy to type a simple email and CC my boss for approval. This is what I mean when I say I have a bad habit of getting little chores done.
But that’s all changing.
Yesterday morning I sent that email to my building manager and not ten minutes later I had full access. Why did that take me so long to fix? It was so easy at the end. This success is making me realize that there are a lot of little things that I’ve been pushing off that I’m going to get done now.
I’ve needed new glasses forever. My current pair is from back when I was eighteen and is disgustingly outdated. Even my optometrist makes fun of them, saying that no one even makes that style anymore. He’s a sixty-five-year-old man and has more ocular fashion sense than me!
As of this morning, my new pair is ordered.
You used to always complain that I didn’t have a hand towel in my bathroom…I made a trip to Target and got one today, along with those stick-on wall hooks. Now my bathroom is tricked out, ready for hand/face drying.
You also used to complain that I only had two pillows on my bed. You have six on yours, which I admit is nice and comfy. My trip to Target also yielded two new pillows. Now I have four, enough for both of us to have one under our heads and between our legs (this second pillow for back support, you taught me), though you have no plans to ever stay over again. So I guess that means I have four pillows now for just myself. It will help fill out the bed so I don’t miss your presence so much.
I also ordered a chaise lounge. (I know. It sounds kind of silly. But there’s nowhere to sit in my room except on the bed which isn’t the most comfortable unless I’m actually sleeping.) It’s a wonderful little black fainting couch. I can’t wait for it to arrive. I really think it’s going to tie my room together. I’m going to set it over near my bookshelf ledge so I can just lounge and read all day, everyday. Throw in some grapes and a palm frond and I’ve got the ancient Greek lifestyle all to myself.
I guess with all of these little changes, I’m trying to make my room comfortable for visitors. For you. No wonder you rarely wanted to come over. We spent most of our nights together at your place where you have a home set up. You have six pillows and hand towels in the bathroom. Artwork on the walls and carpets on the floors. You have a welcoming apartment. I don’t.
Checking all of these little things off of my chore list wasn’t for purely selfish reasons. It’s my way of showing you that I can change, of trying to snap out of my doldrums and make my room more inviting both to myself and to you, in whatever non-relationship the future holds for us. We still haven’t had our talk, so in my mind we haven’t broken up irrevocably yet. Maybe we’ll exchange our stuff at my apartment, in my room, where you’ll sit on my new chaise lounge and marvel at how things are better. Maybe you’ll change your mind about ending things…
Either way, I’m going to be spending a lot more time at home, so i guess it’s a good thing I’m getting that chaise lounge. Now to find someone willing to feed me grapes by hand…I’m off to Craigslist.