Sunday, August 18th, 2013 (Part 2)

We were going through your Irish whiskey pretty quickly by this point. Playing Up-the-River-Down-the-River and King’s Cup. I could feel the liquor working its way into my system. (Thank you. It really was a great gift.) I felt it numbing my tongue, causing my head to buzz a little and loosening up my thoughts. And that’s when a new epiphany hit me.

Maybe you were right. Maybe we weren’t a perfect couple. Maybe there are better matches out there for us.

I had imagined what our life could be, one where we’d get married and raise a family, splitting our time between a roomy apartment in the City and a nice house out in the Hamptons. A grand vision for our life, I know. But still, it combined what we both wanted, you the hustle and bustle of New York City and me the quiet, somewhat provincial Ina Garten lifestyle.

And if that life had come true, it would have been great. You would have made a wonderful husband and father. I would have kept house and cooked our meals, working on my writing while I stayed home with our kid and you worked as an executive or something equally fancy at a big advertising company.

Was our relationship perfect? No. Were we a perfect match? No. But we were close, and perfect is so overrated – and elusive. Who’s to say I would have met that one perfect person out there for me? Maybe I would have gone through life without ever meeting someone who fit me better than you. (And now maybe I will.)

I was happy. I saw us having a truly wonderful life. Was it the best possible life? No. But it would have been damn good. We were great together. And in my book (a book where soul mates don’t exist), I was willing to bank on great.

Scott, Amber, Jenn and Jeremy all thought I was settling by staying with you. But I know that I wasn’t. How can you be settling when it’s something that was still so good? Maybe you were settling for me and that’s why you broke it off. I have no clue what was going through your mind. I just hope that one day I will.


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